Communication – The Hawk Blog

In his book, “Covenant Marriage“, Gary Chapman identifies four big barriers to communication. Last week we looked at the Dove, this week it’s the Hawk. Poor communication occurs when there is no mutuality in the relationship. If one person is dominating, the other is not being heard and the consequences will be painful. Imagine a tennis match where the ball is never returned, that is no game at all! In the same way, if one person always is right and the other person is always wrong, there is no communication. The Hawk always thinks “It’s Your Fault” when conflict occurs. Rather than be open to listening and even accepting correction, the hawk wins the battles but loses the war. The Hawk is really insecure, he or she is unable to admit mistakes. Pride kills communication. If one of the marriage partners is a Hawk, the other partner will either surrender and in the process lose his or her identity or there will be lots of sparks flying as the blamed partner stands up to the hawk.

Aggressive personalities can slip into this Hawk pattern. If communication is suffering, the best case scenario is to bring in a third party to serve as a mediator to bring more balance into the relationship.
The habit pattern needs to be broken so that both husband and wife can genuinely feel respected and say what he or she really wants to say. If fear is present, it will not produce anything good. Ask one another
“do I feel safe talking to you about anything?” Don’t let the relationship become a one way street. Both husband and wife are gifted by God and have value in discussing anything. Listen to one another.
Does conflict always produce anger and inability to talk? There needs to be real repentance, confession, forgiveness and reconciliation to restore balance and genuinely love one another.

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